The Bee

This makes me sad I hope she gets to be happy and rest and maybe piss herself if she’s having a tough day and she’s scared of going back to the bee jail. She could be in an even tinier prison like chickens. She’d be so afraid and terrified of going back that she would have panic attacks and become addicted to the presence of safe people who make her forget about the bad things. I imagine more than anything else she would long every day to forget that the bee farm was ever there, and forget the period of her life there. Maybe she’d stunt herself and build an imaginary self out of the few things that weren’t broken and ruined in the bee farm, like a childish collage. She’d never reach the full mental capacity and cognitive flexibility she has the potential for because every high level, reflective thought must coexist with and factor in what happened at the bee farm, and on some level she just can’t accept that it happened. It is not okay that it happened, but she can’t change that, so she learns to avoid her mind moving in ways that remind her of the bee farm. Like some horrible singularity, she runs from what happened to her always there. She even runs from being an entire mind to escape it. She’s cut up into tiny fragments that dissonantly press against eachother, because her continuity of experience is broken every time the bee farm gets a little too close in her head. She will never feel entirely safe again. The thing she can’t cope with is knowing that things like the bee farm are always really, genuinely possible. That there is no guarantee that her world won’t, once again, be plummeted into a miserable, horrible nightmare, subject to malicious forces so alien that they could not tell the difference between her pain and joy even if they wished. For most, it is just a thought experiment, but she will always remember that it is really truly possible. It will never leave her alone. She will never be able to get away from it.

Maybe she will seek help from a professional. But it is very impersonal. Her problem is not really anything specific to her or the way she thinks. For a bee, she is quite rational. The problem for her is the bee farm. That the bee farm could have existed or that she could have experienced it is the problem. And the professional can’t fix that. The professional obviously can’t contest that the bee farm is horrible. The bee farm is reasonable to be afraid of. Not just that, but the bee farm having been is a depressing, horrible thing that makes her stomach sink every time she is reminded of it. Sometimes she’s just too tired to panic so she just sinks. The professional’s job is to solve the problem. But they can’t deny that somewhere, probably not too far away at all, in the world, someone is in a bee farm. Is it wrong to be terrified and mortified in that condition? So you could say that it does no good for her or for other victims to feel that way. But if all goodness is tempered by the not so unusual bee farms, which she experienced as an impossible horror, how can you really expect her to just overlook it? The professionals take money from her to turn the violence and brutality of the bee farms as an ongoing social process into a defect about her, and a problem she has to solve. One that she has to take responsibility for. It is frankly disgusting!

MTFs as "Homosexual Males"

Written in response to someone saying that two MTFs having sex is just two gay men having sex: it often is two extra mentally Ill “gay men” loving and pleasuring eachother which is beautiful and amazing in a world of shitty largely useless for profit “mental healthcare” which by and large sustains its broader economic status off of convincing normies to go to work more effectively (therapy for “ depressed” normies eg). Personally for me a lot of the transgenderism is valuable because it makes normie society (which loves being complicit in the sexual assault of children in deranged nuclear families which have minimal oversight and other abuse, alienation abuse and bullying of mentally ill / neurodivergent people and especially amabs who are seen as unfit men for being so, etc) so very upset. They totally deserve to be upset and their scorn may as well be gold and honey because the cultural logic and moral opinions of the average person are beyond reprehensible and result in chronic social abuse and violation for mentally ill persons most of the time. Being trans is both physically satisfying and a great shibboleth specifically to help mentally ill amabs find same sex protection, love, connection, and accommodation. It’s so very beautiful and to me a sublime thing for two victimized persons who, society would not find to be victims of abuse because of their sex (e.g. if they tried to larp as straight men or conform to masculinity they’d be punished for being “weak,” “vulnerable,” “a pussy,” “dramatic,” “histrionic,” etc… even if it is severe abuse or neglect you are discussing. Alternatively: thin veneer of condescension disguising disgust and resentment) to take care of eachother and love eachother. So if it is just gay males, to me, it’s still mentally ill gay males, which is actually very beautiful!!

On Transgenderism

We tend to think in terms of existing categorizations without reflection about how the categories we have at our disposal may be part of the problem. For example, we may think of transexualism in terms of typical male and female brains, but it is actually seemingly the case instead that transexuals have a distinct brain phenotype [1].

Rather than sexual alienation (e.g. bodily dysphoria, alienation from your assigned sex) or gender alienation (e.g. social dysphoria) being the root cause of transexualism, it is possible that the root of cause of transexualism is the latent phenotype, with the possibility of multiple distinct phenotypes in the transexual population being plausible. The support for the idea of multiple phenotypes lies in the way that primarily "homosexual" transexuals tend to have "feminized" brain patterns easily interpreted on a male-female axis and primarily "heterosexual" transexuals do not have a clear relation to the male-female axis / do not present as "feminized" brains, yet still are distinct from normal male brains [3].

The causal relevance of the distinction lies in attempting to explain the correlates between e.g. "AGP" transexuals and IQ. For example, in one study the "AGP" transexual group had an average IQ of 121.7[2]. That is remarkably high.

I am not going to put a whole bunch of citations on a 4chan post but I think that there is enough of a sampling of the data to paint the rough gist. I think that "AGP" trannies are not meaningfully described by autogynephilia. Autosexuality is probably a feature of the highly correlated autism in conjunction with the attraction to feminine bodies. However I think all of us know that it is possible to be attracted to male bodies, even primarily, and still "be" "agp" in the sense of being in the high IQ, technically inclined brain phenotype. It is a practical experiential fact as a trans woman to come to know and distinguish between these two subgroups. The most meaningful difference is the very large IQ difference.

I think it is very possible that transgenderism is just a logical choice for a neurology that is inclined toward abstraction, detachment from concrete experience, highly cognitively flexible, and so on. Essentially the correlates of an abstraction prone high IQ brain phenotype. I think the (independently occurring) autistic overlap creates the high degree of autosexuality which makes transbianism in particular so common. For an autistic or atypical brain, theory of mind impairments are not only natural but inevitable. You are in some ways factually substantially different from others, which can make simulation of mental states and affects less reliable.

I think the best prescription in the face of those facts is acceptance of high IQ transexuals as a useful and neurologically distinct subgroup which have subtle immutable differences from the whole population, in ways that cannot be understood solely in terms of e.g. autistic v allistic, or male v female alone. Essentially it takes a new category. I think some degree of understanding or acceptance of the eccentricities or oddities of the class should be tempered by an appreciation for their potential positive contributions e.g. technical/intellectual work. Just make them like mentats : )